June 26, 2009

Starting to write again … I need to.

Today was another biopsy day.  This one was ordered by one of the specialists, the ENT … she wants her own baseline, her own lab reports … she also doesn’t want to take the thyroid tumour out.  She thinks surgery would be a mistake for me … she wants to try and save the thyroid as it’s a major gland controlling and/or affecting so much of the body.   She also wants me to be referred to an endocrinologist which my family doctor seems hesitant to do.  Hesitant as in I’ve asked him twice now, siting Dr. Lo’s request and he’s blatantly refused saying they take too long to get in to see … perhaps an internist if we need one?!  I’ve been off work since February and not getting better BECAUSE I’m not rec’ing treatment, just the run around … and he’s worried about time now???  I think I should have an endocrinologist and that I should have had radiation on this a LONG time ago … but hey what do I know I’m just a nurse with a 94% average when I graduated … I’m not a doctor right … fuck doctors drive me crazy :(

The biopsy was fairly easy … Ultrasound to get newer images of the tumour … surprise, surprise the SCGH totally disagrees with the lab in Niagara … stating the tumour is largest on the right, not the left … that only one side needs to be biopsied, not all three (left, centre, right) blah, blah, blah … NHS rivalry bullshit if you ask me …I’ve seen and heard enough of it over the past 7 years to know.  :(

Of course I argue for all three nodules/tumour lobes to be biopsied … since that is what all the other biopsies through the years have covered.  I lose.  The radiologist might look like Bob Mackowycz jr… which freaks me out in a cool kinda way … but he’s not near as cool … or apparently as smart.  I know comparing apples and oranges … medicine and music … but smart in your field is smart in your field … and this man didn’t strike me as being so! Follow the Doc’s request and listen to the patient … it’s logical, three large areas, biopsy all three!  Common sense seems so lackin gin the medical field of late :(  … Although he is kind … he freezes my neck before the biopsy, which Niagara Falls has never done.

So, as I lay there on the table they do a third ultrasound, more whispering in the corner … then apply the disinfectant (baexdin is my guess it’s what we used to use when I worked there and it had that chlorhexadine smell to it) … then the needle to freeze was inserted in a few places … it doesn’t hurt, it just burns as the injection goes in … my mind wanders to the following thoughts … I know I just brushed my teeth less than half an hour ago … but I hope I don’t have bad breath, he’s right over my face … I hope my perfume doesn’t bother him, I don’t want him sneezing or even stiffling a sneeze with that needle in my neck … I hope his hands don’t shake that’s right next to my jugular …

All the while I’m thinking these things he’s using the ultrasound to find his way around my neck to biopsy in four places on the right side of my thyroid.  Not the left, where Dr. Lo wanted him to, because of the proximity of the tumour to my carotid … but the right which he feels is a better place to biopsy.  I can’t feel the sting of the needle puncture at all … but once it’s in I can feel it wriggling around in my neck … he inserts (pressure) he wriggles around (feels like a worm in my neck) he aspirates some of the tumour (odd pressure followed by a feeling like shifting fluid, I can hear it in my right ear, I didn’t realise I’d hear anything … that was weird.)  I also feel an odd sensation in my right sinus … like a release of pressure followed by a need to swallow, like fluid had somehow now drained out of my right ear and sinus and it felt more hollow there … All the while I’m thinking I’m glad I put my hair in a ponytail so it’s not in his way, I’m glad I can still taste the listerine, fuck … he’s doing the right side so I know I’ll be sent back again … I really hate hospital gowns, and there really was no purpose to me wearing it, my tank top and sweater were low enough and actually covered less than the hospital gown … and smelled better.  Speaking of smell … they’re making coffee in the lab across the hall, fuck I’d kill for a cuppa that.

After the biopsy they do the courtesy conversation with me, as I sit up … really they just want to make sure I’m not gonna faint … whatever … I don’t faint!  I can however feel fluid shifting in my neck and there is still that odd sensation in my right sinus and right ear … it stays with me even as I sit writing this and listening to the telly.

My neck is also sore … more so than with the other biopsies, but he (the bob look-a-like) warned me no advil etc for a few days … nothing that will act as a blood thinner in any aspect … not that I really need a pain killer, but the neck pain is turning into a headache … perhaps a good nights sleep :)